Hi all, everyone who taps into my life, and myself. It’s been a very long time. By very long, I mean it’s been over a year since I last posted a reflection meaningful to me. So much has happened since.
Here’s a recap of most of the major external events and decisions that have led to my being today:
March 6, 2021 – I made a decision that I wanted to pivot my career into Physical Therapy
May 15, 2021 – I took the GRE to satisfy graduate school requirements for PT school
May 17, 2021 – I began summer school to obtain the prerequisite classes for PT school
June 2021 – I made a decision to forgo graduate school for the time being to fulfill a long time dream of mine to move to the Bay Area
July 2021 – I told the company I was working for at the time I’d be leaving in the coming months to pursue my dreams
October 12, 2021 – I officially started my role as a contract Solutions Engineer
October 22, 2021 – I officially left my job at the Green Energy Non-Profit
October 23, 2021 – I had my going away/birthday party in Houston, Texas
October 24, 2021 – My friends helped me pack my car
October 25, 2021 – I began my cross-country road trip with Avery, my dog, to my friends and new home waiting for me in Oakland, California
October 29, 2021 – I arrived to my new home
December 3, 2021 – My contract role as a Solutions Engineer came to an end
December 6-15, 2021 – I interviewed, accepted, and began my job for a position as a Personal Trainer at Fitness SF
February 18, 2021 – I reconnected with an old recruiter and company I previously got rejected from
February 25-March 21, 2021 – I received a job offer from them and officially started working for them
May 14, 2021 – I allowed my thoughts and emotions to become my worst enemy
It’s crazy to me that in the span of a year, my life pivoted in a direction that when looking at the list of events, I wouldn’t have imagined this is where I’d be now.
Although I feel by looking at these events, it paints a picture of prevailing success through adversity to achieve a long-standing dream, it doesn’t properly reflect the emotional battle I underwent.
Throughout these events that occurred, on multiple accounts, I faced the unknown, jumped into the abyss, and a lot of the times -truly did not know where I’d end up. I had to trust in myself, and trust in the people that believed in me.
When I made the decision to forgo physical therapy school, I didn’t see it as giving up on a dream, but rather reassessing my circumstances and getting in touch with what I truly wanted. After my best friend in Houston accepted her offer with Amazon in May with her pending departure in September, it ignited a flame within me. I had been wanting to leave Texas for the longest time, and now that my best friend was leaving…what was keeping me there?
I knew that I was going down this path of potentially attending graduate school to achieve aligning passion with my work, but at a sacrifice. With my current skillset and lifestyle, I had so much freedom, and financially, pursuing something that would put me more in debt and restrict my freedom was counterproductive to how I wanted to live my lifestyle. Through going through summer school on-top of working a full-time job I came to learn that I was miserable.
With the catalysis of realizing my best friend was leaving and attending graduate school would dissatisfy my more immediate need to leave Texas, I decided to job search for a more financially stable and fitting role.
In the back of my head, I thought that if I achieve these long standing dreams of mine of moving to a state I’d always wanted to live in and pursuing some career in fitness…I’d feel happy.
But that wasn’t the case. Even after obtaining my role as a CPT at a well known gym, with a supportive community and my full-time role as a Solutions Engineer, I couldn’t help by feel, at times, unhappy, unqualified, and worthless.
I’ve gone to therapy in the past, I know the tools I need to use in order to “feel better”. i.e meditation, exercise, journaling, affirmations, and just practicing general mindfulness – which I did but ended up in a cyclic pattern of self-doubt.
It wasn’t until this past month that I hit the lowest of the low – an experience that I hadn’t felt since 2019. Without getting into too much detail, although it triggered for such uncomfortable feelings to arise, it was what I needed to put me back on track.
Throughout the journey that I listed out, there were times where I was lost, times I felt “once I get this…I can finally catch my breath” and by catching my breath, I allowed for my mind to slip into these negative thought patterns.
This is what I learned: if I want to be someone who can take on the world, I have to believe it for myself. There are times, yes, where I will fall, I will get hurt, and there will be days that just suck. But those events are not reasons for me to stay down, those events are not reasons for me to treat anyone less than what people deserve – compassion, empathy, and support.
If I put energy towards how tired I am, how hurt I feel, and the doubt that I experience, I then lose control over the one thing I do have control over: my mind, my perspective.
Life can be hard, but it doesn’t mean that my perspective on life needs to be.
Arvanh, you’ve been through so much in this period that you’ve been on this Earth, let’s keep moving forward because there’s so much more to be discovered. And to discover more means waking up everyday with intention. We are here to learn, grow, and give back. When I empower myself, I empower other people around me to live better. Those negative thoughts in your head? Tell them to shut the fuck up because they’re not true. And why would you say those things to yourself if you would never tell them to your best friends.
Today is a reminder to keep trying, don’t forget to keep trying, and when you continue move through life, believe in yourself.
To Arvanh of the past, present, and future. I love you.
Thank you to everyone I’d been able to touch in my life.
